How to stay connected during an epidemic of loneliness

How to stay connected during an epidemic of loneliness 

We probably aren’t the first to tell you that loneliness has been on the rise over the past few years. 

• In May 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a public health advisory warning about dangerously high levels of social disconnection. 

• In November of that year, the World Health Organization declared loneliness a global health priority, forming a “Commission on Social Connection” that will study ways to reduce isolation. 

So where’d all this come from? 

The short — and partial – answer: That other epidemic, Covid. 

When the pandemic forced us all to live isolated lives, parts of society that had previously been relatively secondary (e.g., food delivery and remote work) boomed. But what makes those practices ideal for a quarantine era – keeping everyone safely separated –also makes them forces that exacerbate loneliness. Anyone who’s attended a Zoom meeting where one person is calling from an echoey conference room can tell you remote work just isn’t the same – nor does receiving a Doordash order quite foster the sense of community you get from being a regular at your nearest taco place. 

Unsurprisingly, loneliness soared during the pandemic, with 39% of the population reporting feelings of serious loneliness. That number dipped to 34% in January 2023, but it’s still elevated compared to before Covid, experts told USA Today. 

Still, loneliness has been on the rise since the 1970s. We don’t know why, exactly, that is, but we know all we really need to know: Lots of people are lonely, and it’s doing real harm. 

Those numbers have consequences 

The peril of loneliness isn’t just about the risk that you’ll pick up and then inevitably abandon needlepoint during a bout of solitude. In the 2023 advisory, Surgeon General Murthy mentioned that lacking connections can increase the risk of premature death to a degree similar to that of smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Loneliness can mean increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and dementia in older adults.

Loneliness is especially tricky as a public health challenge, Murthy said, because it’s bidirectional, meaning that loneliness can cause anxiety and depression, which in turn reinforce loneliness. 

But experts have proposed potential solutions 

Many are looking across the Atlantic; the U.K. appointed a minister of loneliness in 2018 and has since poured resources into opportunities for community-building and volunteerism. One series that I may just have to personally spearhead in the states is called Glamor Club, whose members attend meetings dressed to the nines. 

Murthy proposed six pillars of systemic change, including categories like: 

• Strengthening social infrastructure, which includes things like parks and libraries as well as public programs.

• Enacting pro-connection public policies at every level of government, including things like accessible public transportation or paid family leave.

• Mobilizing the health sector to address the medical needs that stem from loneliness.

So what can you do? 

You know that far too many people are lonely, and you know that’s a problem. You may even be lonely yourself. But you’re (presumably) not the president – you can’t fix this deeply entrenched, systemic issue between grocery runs. 

I get it. And frankly, I’m getting pretty tired of the news stories on loneliness that adopt a strangely scolding tone for a reader who is, again, presumably not the president or in any kind of position to undo the societal trends that have resulted in the loneliness epidemic. 

The first thing to do for yourself in an increasingly lonely world is to acknowledge that this isn’t your fault. You didn’t build this isolated world, but you are being forced to contend with it. That sucks. I don’t say this to dwell in the negative, but to help you move away from any kind of self-flagellating mindset that might make you feel like “fix loneliness epidemic” is just another item on an already endless to-do list. 

Now let’s get less lonely 

We’ve got some concrete tips for you – no pressure to single-handedly fix the world, just pick a few that feel doable. 

• Try to find 15 minutes per day to catch up with someone whose company you genuinely enjoy – not one of the friends you keep up with out of a sense of obligation. 

• Volunteering can be a game changer – because you don’t just interact with other people, you help other people, which is a major mood boost (in addition to being…a moral good). 

• Adopt a pet. Pets can provide companionship, a sense of purpose, and satisfaction, and can help reduce feelings of loneliness. Plus, taking your dog on walks to the park is a great way to meet other dog owners and friendly dog lovers.

• Make regular efforts to connect with your actual community – the people and institutions who are physically close to you. This could mean: 

  • Striking up a conversation with your neighbor to get to know them better – and maybe throw in an offer to water their plants while they’re out of town, or pick up their packages for them that get haphazardly delivered far from their front door. 

  • Become a regular at your favorite neighborhood bar or restaurant. 

  • Go to a community board or neighborhood council meeting. You never know how the contours of your own life may be being contested right under your nose! 

  • If your neighborhood has them, join your Buy Nothing Facebook group, or contribute to a community fridge 

  • Join an extracurricular sports team. See if your local YMCA organizes pickup soccer games, or join a league through a city-wide organization like VOLO Sports. 

• Take a class – on gardening, pottery, French, creative writing, whatever. The point is both to expand your horizons and to expose you to new people. 

Keep in mind that it’s a process

I wish I could give you a snap-of-the-fingers type of cure for loneliness. But it’s really more about a continuous effort to build connections with strangers and close friends alike into your regular routine.